Be Careful What You Wish For... You Might Not Accept It.

A week ago... or was it two weeks? Anyway....

A week or two ago I had one of the most interesting conversations that I've had in a very long time.

One of the things I was asked was if I believed in the Law of Attraction. You know, not the thought that thinking positive thoughts brings positive things. I kinda feel like that's a lie. Sorry.

But the thought that you can virtually will the things you want into coming to you. "Ask, and you shall receive." That kind of crap.

Of course, a lot of people feel as if this is all a big joke. But those people are also disappointed that the million dollars they asked- no, I'm sorry. TOLD "God" to give them didn't magically appear. Neither did that car. Hallie Berry didn't show up at the supermarket so you could hit it off with her, either.

Those people miss the point that you'll never get anywhere trying to attract material things, but I digress... I mean, hell. You wanna try using your brain to manipulate and rearrange air molecules into a dollar bill or psychially influence a movie star to show up at your local Burger King, then go right on ahead. I'm told they film commercials in Okeydoke, Idaho all the time. lol



What's got me thinking about all of this right now is that.... well, for one, the cooling fan on my laptop died and I have nothing to do until the replacement come in. lol

Also the thought that I've always gotten what I've wanted or needed. I've just always felt like I wasn't worthy of whatever it was I got.

AND THEN I CHOOSE THE THING THAT I KNOW WILL FAIL OR BE HORRIBLE FOR ME!

Sorry, caps lock.

I've let a lot of relationships slip through my fingers like soap because I didn't feel worthy of whatever standards I imagined them having.

Either that, or they turned out to be crazier than the thought of snake nipples.

And it never fails. Dodging a long distance affair with an asian chef that I met on a online video game who loves manga, computers and has a british accent? Come on, now!

Or Melissa, who... even though I broke her heart TWICE, still treats me like her best friend and is teaching her two children to call me "Uncle Jay".

I could go on and on... but I won't. lol

I will say that I stayed in the relationship that I was in because of guilt, though. Silly, silly me.


As much as I moan about being alone (and I know I moan at an olympic level, thanks), tonight's realization makes me feel rather foolish. It's probably the closest I've come to being humbled by the powers that be in a long, long time.

Yes, I'm arrogant enough to want to apologize to some people for being so stand-offish emotionally. But they'll be okay. No need to make myself look stoopid as well as crazy.



If there's a God out there granting wishes like some damn genie, I wonder how many times (s)he has been confused and dissapointed after hearing me beg for companionship, giving it to me and me brushing it off? Or when I get pissed and curse him/her out about it? Shouldn't be such a flakey bastard anyway, God. lol

But.... I also wonder if said "God" is proud of me for noticing such a glaring and obvious a thing.